Sleep, perchance to dream...

I was starting to write a post about a book I got form the library a few weeks back, but I can't carry on with it under the current circumstances. You see, we're trying out Round, um... three? Four? of sleep training with our 9 month old son. It is not going super well. See, in order for this to really work, we have to be really committed to the whole process. It's pretty hard to be committed to anything that causes your infant child to start crying hysterically for a seemingly interminable length of time. This, by the way, is using the gentler option proposed to us by the sleep consultant.

I think we're going to end up doing cry it out whether we like it or not. (For the record, we tried it once a few months back and it was about the most horribly awful thing I've ever done. I've never actually punched someone in the face, but I'll bet I'd have felt less guilty after assaulting someone than after that experience.) I know that cry it out is what 'everyone does.' I know it's the prevailing method in Western countries, but that doesn't make it the best way, or the way my husband and I feel is an appropriate way to treat an infant.

You see, The Boy has never ever once in his life really fallen asleep on his own- in the beginning it was because of colic and parental exhaustion- we'd both pass out about the same time once I'd rocked and walked and tried to soothe the colicky crying. Then it was one thing after another until finally we ended up where we are today: nursing and walking till he falls asleep on our shoulder, then praying to all things holy that he'll let us put him down next to me on the sofa for a few hours of work on my laptop, then transfer us both to bed.

So, of course, now we've got a pretty real problem. The way I've gotten him to sleep for a few hours in his own room in his own bed (which I might add is nicer than any bed I'VE ever had!) is by getting him ALMOST to sleep, then *climbing into the crib with him* and nursing him to sleep. He'll stay there for a while, maybe 3 hours before pitching a major fit. Except naps. Those are between 28 and 31 minutes when in his crib alone. The Boy is very determined, and he really doesn't like big changes at all, so falling asleep not being rocked and nursed is a massively bad thing in his young mind- although the crib is no longer the Worst Place Ever (tm) which is an improvement.

So, I have a sinking feeling that no matter what we wish as parents (really just a pleasant bedtime for our son. Maybe 10 minutes together as Grown Ups.) is going to be slammed aside by our more important need to teach him to put himself to sleep. I just wish that was a lesson we could teach without also teaching him that Mom and Dad aren't going to help him when he's crying and alone.