I read a Book!

So one of the books I got at our library a bit ago was called A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg aka Orangette. Of course, when I got the book I didn't know that, I just knew the title resonated with what I've been trying to build for the past few years. (My mother would say for my whole life, I'm sure.) I even liked the look of the cover! So I took it home, expecting an instruction book, I suppose- it's tough to really give a book a once over when you're wrestling an infant.

I was totally surprised by what it really was- a memoir through food, punctuated by truly delicious sounding recipes. She takes you from her childhood in the midwest, through her life in a tiny Paris apartment, to her east coast/west coast romance and makes you taste the whole journey- I made her ratatouille and it was delicious! Definitely putting that into my standard rotation! Her writing pulled me into the stories she was telling, and I could almost taste the food she described. To me, food is such a complicated thing- it's holidays, it's family, it's friends, and romance and warm evenings at home in the winter, and I found all that in her book. Definitely something I'm putting on my want-to-own list.

I love the library, it's like a dressing room for books! :)

Holiday!

Happy Fourth of July!! Hope your day is full of barbecue and naps! :D

Sleep, perchance to dream...

I was starting to write a post about a book I got form the library a few weeks back, but I can't carry on with it under the current circumstances. You see, we're trying out Round, um... three? Four? of sleep training with our 9 month old son. It is not going super well. See, in order for this to really work, we have to be really committed to the whole process. It's pretty hard to be committed to anything that causes your infant child to start crying hysterically for a seemingly interminable length of time. This, by the way, is using the gentler option proposed to us by the sleep consultant.

I think we're going to end up doing cry it out whether we like it or not. (For the record, we tried it once a few months back and it was about the most horribly awful thing I've ever done. I've never actually punched someone in the face, but I'll bet I'd have felt less guilty after assaulting someone than after that experience.) I know that cry it out is what 'everyone does.' I know it's the prevailing method in Western countries, but that doesn't make it the best way, or the way my husband and I feel is an appropriate way to treat an infant.

You see, The Boy has never ever once in his life really fallen asleep on his own- in the beginning it was because of colic and parental exhaustion- we'd both pass out about the same time once I'd rocked and walked and tried to soothe the colicky crying. Then it was one thing after another until finally we ended up where we are today: nursing and walking till he falls asleep on our shoulder, then praying to all things holy that he'll let us put him down next to me on the sofa for a few hours of work on my laptop, then transfer us both to bed.

So, of course, now we've got a pretty real problem. The way I've gotten him to sleep for a few hours in his own room in his own bed (which I might add is nicer than any bed I'VE ever had!) is by getting him ALMOST to sleep, then *climbing into the crib with him* and nursing him to sleep. He'll stay there for a while, maybe 3 hours before pitching a major fit. Except naps. Those are between 28 and 31 minutes when in his crib alone. The Boy is very determined, and he really doesn't like big changes at all, so falling asleep not being rocked and nursed is a massively bad thing in his young mind- although the crib is no longer the Worst Place Ever (tm) which is an improvement.

So, I have a sinking feeling that no matter what we wish as parents (really just a pleasant bedtime for our son. Maybe 10 minutes together as Grown Ups.) is going to be slammed aside by our more important need to teach him to put himself to sleep. I just wish that was a lesson we could teach without also teaching him that Mom and Dad aren't going to help him when he's crying and alone.

I make things!

I could prove it, too, if I could find the camera cable OR the camera's battery charger. I'll have to ask my sweetie, he'll probably know. When we get all these things together in the same place, I could show you all sorts of things! Blueberry jam! And raspberry syrup-soon-to-be-shrub. (I'll explain later.) and blackberry soon-to-be-shrub! and rumtopf. delicious boozy fruity goodness...

Yeah, I'm also on a diet.

BUT! I also dabble in carpentry! I spent some 10 or so years as a theatre tech, you see. Mainly in lighting, but I've done my fair share of set building and welding and so on, so I can do a few small projects here and there. So I've been building a hutch for the kitchen.

What? That's a small project! Let me explain. I took two Ikea bookcases (white Billy ones) that my friend gave me after a move, and I've chopped them up, rearranged them, and put them back together in a new, harmonious way. I have a couple of photos. You know. When I find my camera cable.

Not a cleaning blog!

I swear, I'm not a cleaning or housekeeping blogger. It's just that this is so on my mind lately. The Boy is darn near walking without assistance now and getting into E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and frankly being cleaned up and tidy is a great step in keeping him safe and me sane. SO!

I'm going to take a few baby steps here, cause being organized is not my strong suit. I've decided to pick ONE THING that I think will help me the most, and try to make that a habit. I'm going to start tonight, and that thing is going to bed with the kitchen sink empty. I'm including the cutting board and the bit of counter on the other side, since those are also places that dishes pile up.

Now then, the dishes are supposed to be my husband's job, since I cook the meals. We figured that's a pretty fair way to divide up food based chores. Thing is (and I say this with love, Sweetie!) he doesn't do it. He'll load the dishwasher when he thinks of it, if he's not too tired, and then will wander off before doing any hand wash stuff like wooden spoons. So if I want to go to bed knowing that the kitchen is at least ready to make the coffee in the morning (a hazardous prospect in even the best of circumstances) then I can rest a bit easier.

Things that will help me with this adventure? The Boy sleeping in his crib, for one thing, which is another project for another post. Also you kind folks asking me if I've kept up with it. Next week, I'll try adding some bathroom cleaning tricks to my new Habit Forming Commission Checklist.

Hey, whatever gets you through it, right?

cleaning, part 2

In my last post I mentioned a post on Ready. Set. Simplify. that got my mind running more productively on the subject of cleaning. The part that really snagged my mind was this

" have something of a love-hate relationship with schedules. My personality is more

spontaneous and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, yet I find that schedules and

structure really help me. In fact, I think as I get older, I crave structure and planning more"

Man, does that sound familiar to me. I really love a schedule. I love being able to know when something is going to happen. I CRAVE it, just like she says there! But- and here's the big thing about it- I need to be held accountable to it because I've learned that on my own I just don't follow a schedule at all. I tend to get caught up in other things, or figure 'Well since I'm the one why MADE the schedule, who cares if I just do whatever instead?' and then I lie in bed that night and feel totally lame for not having gotten done then things I wanted to do. If I'm being held accountable by a higher authority like, a class schedule, or... my mother (hi Mom!) or appointments with other people.

I'm... not really sure how to get better about this. It doesn't work for someone to come check in on me (not even Mom!) because it's still my schedule. :-/ So... I guess I'm going to have to think harder about this. I really like R.S.S.'s schedule though. (The one on the post about cleaning that I linked to yesterday.) I'll probably adapt that somehow.

Summer cleaning

So I've been stressing out lately about how wretched a housekeeper I am. I mean, I know I'm no type A cleaner- if the choice comes between having friends over or vacuuming, friends win. But honestly. We've lived in this apartment since November, and we're not even CLOSE to being unpacked. I'm so frigging sick of looking at boxes. So I've decided that come hell or high water I am GOING TO UNPACK BY AUGUST!! That gives me a month. I'm also not going to worry if I don't get every single last thing out of boxes, so long as I'm so close I can taste it.

ON the other hand, I have The Boy. Who turned 9 whole months old last week, and has developed a terribly fussy, clingy attitude. Also, when he's content to not be carried, he's mobile. Crawling and damn close to walking. And very, very curious. If I try to pull a box out he's going to get into it, opened or not. Add to that my fairly limited storage options, and my really terrible organization skills, and this is kinda challenging.

The other half of this project was inspired by stumbling across this post about a cleaning schedule. I'm thinking I might be able to sort something like this out maybe. Do diaper laundry three or four times a week (really not as bad as it sounds, I swear!) Do grown up's laundry at least once a week. Sweep. Tidy something. We'll see what I come up with and how well it goes. I plan to post this schedule up here, and hopefully y'all can help keep me honest till it's really a habit.

Also, coming soon, how I turned a couple of bookshelves into a hutch. Woo! Storage!

Feast or Famine?

So, I'm on a diet. It's an effort to finally get rid of the last few pounds of baby weight and get into some healthier habits. What can I say, I just have to come to terms with the fact that chocolate chip cookie dough is not what you'd call a nutritious and wholesome breakfast. Also, I have a little boy now, and he's watching me eat, and frankly the idea that I could be a role model for anyone is terrifying. SO! Diet!

Now, the diet plan I've chosen (and am doing with my wonderful husband) is Weight Watchers, and we chose it because A: we can do it online, which works best around our crazy schedules, and B: it's really very flexible about what we eat. Basically we can eat anything, so long as we hold ourselves accountable and record it properly. There's also a large number of recipes and articles and tools that can help us keep ourselves on track.

The other thing I've been doing is reading. I've already talked about the toddler book (though I suspect I'm not done with it,) but one of the other books I checked out is called A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table. So... I'm on a diet and I'm reading what is essentially a travelogue about food instead of places. And last night, somewhere between a first date and French-style lemon yogurt cake I realized something. It's the thing that makes dieting so hard for me. It's not the healthy food- actually I rather love most foods that are considered healthy. It's not the portion sizes since I've never really eaten a ton of food in a sitting. It's the attitude that food is only for stopping the feeling of being hungry. Sure, there are a lot of recipes for those who are slimming that are advertised as 'good tasting' or 'to satisfy your craving' for a particular foodstuff, but none of them say 'take your chocolate cheesecake and make it last for 40 minutes while you chat with a friend (or a romantic interest! Date night!) Or go ahead, have that plate of pasta with cream sauce, but have a rationally adult sized portion of it, and make your meal last for an hour! Longer!

See, there's the thing. In the U.S. food is not viewed as something to savor, an event to be enjoyed. It's viewed as something to do to accomplish a goal, to be plowed through as quickly as possible while doing something else. I need to do more work on finding healthy snacks to graze on during the day, sure. I also need to work on portion size (it's different for me now than it was 10 years ago! Heck, ONE year ago!) But I think more than anything, I need to remember how to savor a meal instead of trying to scarf it down while doing laundry, wrestling my son, and watching Mythbusters.

P.S. I'll review that book I mentioned later. It's pretty delicious.

Baby, oh Baby.

My Darling Son is many things. Clever for sure. Handsome like his daddy. Curious and interested and as fond of exploring as any infant or toddler (he's right on that edge there. Walking can't be very far off- he's already positive he can do it, if only the floor would help him out.) Unfortunately he's also strong willed, determined, and vocal about things he dislikes. Like sleeping alone.

To solve this dilemma, we're working with a sleep consultant to help get The Boy sleeping on his own, in his crib (as opposed to in my bed, attached to me at all times.) Also, I checked out of the library a copy of The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp.

Now, his main thesis seems to be pretty reasonable to me- that a toddler is still developing the physical and cognitive ability to behave in a way that we as a society deem appropriate. Ok, I can totally get behind that- I mean if they were born fully functional then they wouldn't NEED parents, right? So with that in mind Karp divides up the toddler years into stages from very early development to early childhood and labels them as if they were stages of the development of mankind from "Charming Chimp" to Versatile Villagers" and gives his tips for how to communicate with each stage.

Mainly he suggests using what he refers to as 'toddler-ese' which is a language made up of short Tarzan like statements bereft of articles, particles, or words with more than 3 syllables. The other half of his technique is something that is pretty familiar to people who try to 'argue effectively': repeating statements back- what Karp refers to as 'Fast-Food Rule.' HE suggests that when your kid starts to flip his lid, you mirror his level of emotion with your whole body, stamping your feet, gesticulating wildly, and shouting (what you think is) your child's thoughts back to him using the 'toddler-ese.' An example he gives is when he was examining the ears of a child who is protesting

I emphatically proclaim what I think she would say if she were older: "Sophie says 'No ears!! No, no...NO EARS!!! No, NO... NO EARS!!! You stop! You STOP!!!! I don't like it!' "

Now I agree that when a toddler or small child is in the throes of a Chernobyl level meltdown they are not exactly the rational beings we would love to raise. Telling a furious toddler that we have to go now because Dad is waiting isn't going to convince them if they don't want to leave. HOWEVER, I don't think that the extreme that Karp suggests going to linguistically is really quite the way to go. I honestly don't think that the difference between "Daddy wait!" and "Daddy's waiting" is so great, is such an astonishing leap of mental function that your toddler is going to respond to one and not the other. It really, really bothers me when people confuse 'young' with 'stupid.' In the example I quoted, I'd maybe have jumped right to what she was thinking ('You stop') and then maybe later gone to 'stop touching my ears!' Why 'No ears' is in any way useful I don't know. I also probably wouldn't stomp my feet and flail my arms (things Karp suggests doing often) at the same time.

Now then, there are a few things I DO agree with- the fundamental idea he promotes: the short sentences, repetition, and repeating the unspoken whatever behind the tantrum back to the kid so they know I understand what they want. I find a lot of what he writes to be interesting, and we'll see pretty soon how helpful it is. The Boy is very close to toddling off like a big boy way too soon for me. My little baby is so big!

Library madness!

Chris and I went to the library the other day and I got to check out a few books. Now this statement is a pretty reasonable one, and really that's where it would end if I wasn't so super excited about this place. I mean wow!

So I had to get a card first, since this is my first visit to a San Jose library. A few moments on one of the computers and I headed to the info desk to show them my ID and proof of address (apparently in CA when you update your drivers license online they don't send you... well... anything. At all.) I took in a Netflix movie we'd just gotten. The librarian who got me all set up was super nice, and talked about all the kids stuff they have there, and made sure I had a flyer of their upcoming storytimes. I really want to take Chris to the Mother Goose storytime, but this week we have to go to his 9 month checkup instead. (I'll bet the storytime would be more fun, but a healthy baby is more important, right?) There's also tai chi, basic computer skills, Chinese/English storytime, ESL groups, and all sorts of lectures and classes.

The kid's book section is HUGE! There's a stage, too, and a couple of computers labeled '0 - 5 years' with spelling games and such on them. Granted I somehow doubt that some of that demographic is into computers yet for anything other than pounding or chewing on, but hey. HUGE windows totally light the place up, and they look out onto the playground and field outside. The library has a PLAYGROUND! (Also, the children's section is where the parenting and childcare books are. Silly me, I was trying to find it where the catalog number should be over in the Grown Up's Books section.) There's also a giant fountain (pond?!) on the other side, with benches to sit on and read if you have that luxury- with a near-toddler I don't.

There's also a couple of large (distinct) sections for several Asian languages, a pretty decent looking DVD section, and a cozy living room like reading area- with a fireplace! And the website is pretty danged handy and full of great info! Score!

The one thing I do miss, though, is having the due date stamped on the back of the books. The bank of self check out machines gave me the option of getting a receipt that has the due date printed on it, but it's just not the same. Handy bookmark though! Also, the library has pretty short hours thanks to budget cuts and oh yeah, more budget cuts. I think that once Chris is a bit older I'll try to volunteer there if I can. Heck, maybe I can get HIM to volunteer in a few years, too! AND I know where I'm taking my books now. Goodwill is out of luck, the library get them! I am definitely looking forward to going back a lot, and I hope that Chris learns to enjoy library books as much as I do. Once he stops trying to eat them, anyway.

I ain't dead.

Just been busy. Our baby was born a bit early, so from September on I've been trying to keep up with our tiny dynamo. We also moved to northern California- more shade and fewer 100+ degree days to destroy my plants! Still been preserving stuff (blueberries! Oh guys, the blueberries!)

On the other hand I've been running on about 1/4 the sleep I really need to be healthy. Also, I've needed a place to, well, vent a bit. It's a frustrating life, trying to do everything I want to do during 2 hours of naptime a day. SO! I hope to be on hereabouts a bit more. It'll be so thrilling for you all to read about diapers and sleep training and kitchen adventures, I'm sure!