Baby, oh Baby.

My Darling Son is many things. Clever for sure. Handsome like his daddy. Curious and interested and as fond of exploring as any infant or toddler (he's right on that edge there. Walking can't be very far off- he's already positive he can do it, if only the floor would help him out.) Unfortunately he's also strong willed, determined, and vocal about things he dislikes. Like sleeping alone.

To solve this dilemma, we're working with a sleep consultant to help get The Boy sleeping on his own, in his crib (as opposed to in my bed, attached to me at all times.) Also, I checked out of the library a copy of The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp.

Now, his main thesis seems to be pretty reasonable to me- that a toddler is still developing the physical and cognitive ability to behave in a way that we as a society deem appropriate. Ok, I can totally get behind that- I mean if they were born fully functional then they wouldn't NEED parents, right? So with that in mind Karp divides up the toddler years into stages from very early development to early childhood and labels them as if they were stages of the development of mankind from "Charming Chimp" to Versatile Villagers" and gives his tips for how to communicate with each stage.

Mainly he suggests using what he refers to as 'toddler-ese' which is a language made up of short Tarzan like statements bereft of articles, particles, or words with more than 3 syllables. The other half of his technique is something that is pretty familiar to people who try to 'argue effectively': repeating statements back- what Karp refers to as 'Fast-Food Rule.' HE suggests that when your kid starts to flip his lid, you mirror his level of emotion with your whole body, stamping your feet, gesticulating wildly, and shouting (what you think is) your child's thoughts back to him using the 'toddler-ese.' An example he gives is when he was examining the ears of a child who is protesting

I emphatically proclaim what I think she would say if she were older: "Sophie says 'No ears!! No, no...NO EARS!!! No, NO... NO EARS!!! You stop! You STOP!!!! I don't like it!' "

Now I agree that when a toddler or small child is in the throes of a Chernobyl level meltdown they are not exactly the rational beings we would love to raise. Telling a furious toddler that we have to go now because Dad is waiting isn't going to convince them if they don't want to leave. HOWEVER, I don't think that the extreme that Karp suggests going to linguistically is really quite the way to go. I honestly don't think that the difference between "Daddy wait!" and "Daddy's waiting" is so great, is such an astonishing leap of mental function that your toddler is going to respond to one and not the other. It really, really bothers me when people confuse 'young' with 'stupid.' In the example I quoted, I'd maybe have jumped right to what she was thinking ('You stop') and then maybe later gone to 'stop touching my ears!' Why 'No ears' is in any way useful I don't know. I also probably wouldn't stomp my feet and flail my arms (things Karp suggests doing often) at the same time.

Now then, there are a few things I DO agree with- the fundamental idea he promotes: the short sentences, repetition, and repeating the unspoken whatever behind the tantrum back to the kid so they know I understand what they want. I find a lot of what he writes to be interesting, and we'll see pretty soon how helpful it is. The Boy is very close to toddling off like a big boy way too soon for me. My little baby is so big!